The Problem

This year I bought a ￡100 health spa voucher for my PA as an Xmas gift. I used the company credit card, and the purchase has gone through on expenses, therefore been seen by her. Although she has said nothing about it to me, I understand that she has been talking loosely about it within the company to other PAs and members of my team, accusing me of being a “tightwad” and so on. Frankly I’m pretty cross that a) she is laughing behind my back when it is her job to be loyal to me, and b) she isn’t grateful to get a generous gift when many of my colleagues give their PAs nothing. Should I say something to her, or should I leave it? Director, male, 36 .................................................. Lucy's Answer

What puzzles me most is your brazenness. It sounds as if you bought this gift on expenses as a matter of course, well aware that it would be processed, like all your other expenses, by your PA. I suppose it is just possible your company runs the same sort of policy on expenses that was common in journalism about 30 years ago and in Parliament more recently, where MPs expense everything – including the kitchen sink. In that case I suppose it is just conceivable that she, understanding the system, might have been expected to feel a sliver of gratitude, reasoning that it was the thought that counted. But even then, the thought of a health spa voucher isn’t terribly thoughtful. A voucher always broadcasts the fact that you have no idea what the recipient likes and you can’t be bothered to find out. And a health spa voucher is worse than most as it’s a patronising gift from boss to PA. It says: I’m the busy big guy making the cash: why don’t you treat yourself to a manicure? More likely, though, your company is like every other modern company I’ve come across and is quite strict about what counts as an expense. Gifts to PAs are not on the list. Which means that your PA is flattering you by branding you a tightwad, when the reality is worse than that: you are a cheat and a thief. You are also silly to feel any outrage at the way she has been gossiping about you. Everyone gossips about everyone in offices, especially about people they don’t like. The more annoying a PA finds her boss the more she will gossip and moan about him. It’s not about loyalty; it’s about having a safety valve. The only way to stop such gossip is to desist from behaving in a gossip-worthy way. What I suggest you do is say sorry – and mean it. If you like, you can tell her you did it out of laziness, but make sure she sees you reimbursing the company. If you manage to look thoroughly contrite and embarrassed, she may even feel sorry for you and you may emerge from the incident slightly ahead. She will feel bad about having badmouthed you, and next year you might even find that relations between the two of you are better than before. -------------------------------------------------------------------Your advice