All reports about food and health should start with the same instruction: if you enjoy recreational worrying, read on. If you are seeking sensible advice on how to eat, skip to the end, which will almost certainly say most things are OK in moderation.

This week the World Health Organisation published a report conclusively linking processed meats with colorectal cancer. Bacon, ham, sausages and other smoked, cured or salted charcuterie are “group 1” products with the highest likelihood to cause cancer, according to a “meta review” of scientific research by the International Agency for Research on Cancer. This is a category that your breakfast banger now shares with tobacco, alcohol, asbestos and radioactive materials such as uranium.

This has naturally caused consternation at the breakfast table, pointing to the conclusion that feeding your child a bacon roll equates to stirring plutonium into their cornflakes.